


Crush

by jrench



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 04:09:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jrench/pseuds/jrench
Summary: Vignettes from 14 years of small, weird loves.





	Crush

**15**

Shayne was holding Damien’s head underwater. The water pressed cold relief onto his skin, hot from being out in the middle of LA heat.

And Damien would be completely satisfied with drowning this way. He thinks about pretending to struggle out of Shayne’s hold. He open his eyes underwater and sees the red trunks on Shayne’s legs, and he soaks up all that he can. _Strong curve of a thigh. The moving fire of light in the water patterning the tops of two feet._

Damien shut his eyes and came up for air, coughing and laughing and weak and hollow in his chest.

\------------------------------

**19**

Damien woke up on his side, could feel the floor pressing lines onto his face. His hand went for his pants pocket immediately, but patted around an open thigh before Damien remembered that he wasn’t wearing pants.

“Good morning,” a dark voice came from the other side of the floor.

Shayne was peeling an apple. Damien stared at him for a moment, pale and pink in comparison to red like that. Shayne turned to him.

“Since when have you carried a knife?”

Damien shifted onto his elbows and scooted closer and closer to Shayne, holding his eyes. He go this face right next to Shayne and then let his lips graze Shayne’s shoulder. He kept his mouth shut. He let his gaze drop.

“Why are you carrying a knife, Dames”

It wasn’t a question. Damien let it sit with them as he took Shayne’s nipple into his mouth.

After, when Shayne asked Damien for some money for an Uber, Damien let him. The look on his face as he opened the door changed, and for the second he stood in the open door and his eyes went back to Damien’s. To someone else, it would have been touching. A moment of reflection on a hookup. But Damien knew that he just realized he should have asked for more money.

\------------------------------  
 **22**

Damien was pinned to the bed, face pressed into a pillow. The man behind him was teaching him how to hate. Something Johnson? Something forgettable. Some home-from-war type with the cigarette breathe to match. His room was messy and Damien hated thinking about when the last time the sheets his face was in were cleaned. 

He turns his head so he can see the clock, in the midst of the jostling and grunting it changes from five to six. The man leans down and bites his earlobe. Damien can’t remember the last time he was kissed.

He came twice that evening with his eyes closed, somewhere else.

\---------------------------------

**23**

Damien took in a deep breath, suddenly out of whatever trance he had been in. _Driving. Hands on the wheel, eyes on the road._ He let himself remember the hitting and the hitting and the hitting and the shouting. He let himself focus on the bruises on his arms. The feeling of some forming on his back. _How much blood does it take for a bruise to show?_ He decided that he didn’t know. He pulled into the parking lot of an 8 Motel and turned off the car, sitting a while in silence. LA silence, where the cars on the road behind you didn’t get the memo. He took another breath and started planning what he’d say to Wes when he got back tomorrow morning. How he’d apologize. When that got hard he thought of other things he’d saved up for days like this. _The moving fire of light in the water patterning the tops of two feet._ And with his eyes closed he was somewhere else again, cold and young and smiling.

 

\--------------------------------

**24**

Damien was alone in the grocery store and had scared the kid next to him. He took a quick look at him. _Brown eyes, blue t-shirt, not a day older than 21._ Damien let himself feel bad for the kid, but it wasn’t his problem. 

The kid was trying not to stare. He locked eyes with Damien- for such a small, small blink of time -and he recoils away as if Damien had hit him. And then he understands.

“They don’t hurt,” he manages, and feels stupid. He feels stupid for assuming. Feels stupid for giving the kid advice instead of letting him learn it himself. 

He grabs what he needs and leaves, feeling the kid stare into his back until he rounds the corner. The store was moving all around him, people and children and sounds. Things were happening all the time, things that had nothing at all to do with him.

 

\--------------------

**26**

Wes could never figure out what Damien wanted. Not that Damien ever told him. 

It was the morning, and Wes was in the kitchen making something for the two of them to eat for breakfast. Damien fidgeted with the engagement ring in his hands and thought about how out of everyone, the one person in the world who loved him wasn’t who he thought it would be. Damien thought Wes was filthy for loving him the wrong way. Dirt that covered his hands and feet and smell and their bed.

He was so sick and tired of hearing his own name. Damien chuckled. He thought he’d give Wes his body and maybe Wes would do something interesting.

Maybe their wedding would be in February. Then he could take some time off work.

 

\--------------------

**29**

He opened the door and wished he hadn’t come back here. The stranger that looks like Shayne says there are no more couches and he will have to sleep in Shayne’s bed. Damien thought about warning him. _I will want to get inside and ruin you._ Shayne moves to the bedroom and doesn’t listen to Damien’s silence. 

Standing in Shayne’s kitchen he thinks about how old he is. He used to be young. He had even been married once. He takes the hand of a man and moves his backpack off of his shoulder to press at an old scar, like biting a nail.

He takes off his clothes in the dark of Shayne’s room and lies down next to him. For a while he sits and stares at the ceiling before he realizes that Shayne is still staring at him. The room was pitch black but he could feel the eyes on his neck. 

Damien shifts to his side and stares back. Shayne sat still in the dark.

Damien kisses him, and he doesn’t move, he doesn’t pull away, and he keeps on kissing him. He hasn’t moved. He’s frozen and Damien has kissed him, and he’ll never forgive him for it and maybe now he’ll leave Damien alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I'll be adding anything else to Yellow, but I'll be doing one-shots and short pieces like this! If you want to talk, I'm j-rench on tumblr and I'd love to talk about Smosh or writing!


End file.
